Starting at Death - Lesson 1

It has been a long couple of days. Otis became sick on Sunday and on Tuesday morning we had to put him to sleep. He was a good friend ... typifying "man's best friend" in many ways (except when he made you mad and even then you couldn't stay mad at him too long because he was just too funny). Otis was a part of our lives for just under 4 years. When he was a little puppy I started making a list of his antics and called them Otis Tales with the crazy idea of sharing these life stories and spiritual applications some day. I don't know if I will ever even find that list but I have been laying awake thinking about him and that list tonight. And if no more than tonight, there is a lesson to be recorded from the day.

I was up with Otis most of last night and sensed that he wasn't going to make it. We took him to the vet today and they did an x-ray that showed lots of mass in his abdominal area and so we put him down. We brought him home and after spending time bidding our farewells I took him into the woods to find the right spot to leave him. Otis LOVED to roar through the woods when he could manufacture an escape (another blog entry for another day) and that seemed to be the best place to leave him. I had thought of the place through the night last night but wasn't sure if I could carry him that far, especially with the new snow. I did though, and it was a good last walk together in the woods. (too wordy so I can't tell you about following the beaver!)

When I found the right spot (which by the way I had to go on the "road closed" and "trail closed" signs ... that too pretty befitting of Otis' nature), I left Otis. When it comes to hard things like death I am a "get it done and walk away" kind of person and that was what I did. As I started my hike back along the trail I cried and cried ... again. It seemed as if the Lord gently spoke to me (not harshly at all) and said, "Scott, you've cried a million tears for this dog today but is your heart as tender toward what makes me weep?" I've thought of that a lot this evening and late into the night. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a weeping old man. But do I weep over the things that break God's heart? Do I weep for my neighbor, who sometimes bothers me with his drunkenness and inappropriate behavior? Do I weep for those who are living under the bridges around the world, who don't have a home? Do I weep for those who didn't lose a dog but a son, a daughter, a spouse? Do I weep for those who will bow down today and offer prayers to a god who doesn't hear them? Do I weep for those who are giving their lives sacrificially in hard places while I sit in ease? Do I weep for those who have never heard the name of Jesus or bowed in worship in his presence? Do I weep for a world that readily embraces what not too long ago was seen as so very wrong? ... and where does the list end?

Otis was a great dog for us and I'm quite certain God is okay with me crying over the hole left in our home by his death. I am reminded tonight that I don't want to quit weeping. I want my heart to always break for the things that break God's heart.